Monday, March 30, 2009

Growing Pains

Listening to the Slumdog Millionaire Soundtrack.  It's growing on me.  Today was a good one....coming off a rough night.  Lately I've been a little depressed about the Garbage that has been creeping into my life.  So seldom do we sit back an take an honest look at the lies that we have begun to believe.  Scary how it's so easy to be comfortable.  I am by nature, not one to disrupt the natural flow of things around me.  But I realize more and more that this might not always be the best course of action.  There has been an gross level of gossip around certain people. It grows like wildfire around here.  I, while guilty at times, hate it. When is ok to let others talk smack about each other?  I feel there is an appropriate time to let emotions of frustrations and disappointment surface, but when said so flippantly around those that don't need to hear it, it does not sow life. It's breeds animosity between people and more hurtful between friends.  I need to hear Life-giving words.  And I need to realize that I am broken too. What I want to call out about others (their flaws, short comings, ways they don't measure up or meet our needs) might be my reflection that I want to look at myself in a better light. Whether we know it or not most people are addicted to "looking good" to those around them or those they look up too. We want to be the good guy, the one who isn't wrong. In this, I find it hard to extend Grace.  I have this debilitating capacity to learn something new and expect all those around to know all the things that I know....right now, immediately or something is wrong with you. It's not a mystery that we all want to be seen in an alluring light. It's just disappointing, because we were never perfect to begin with, nor will we ever be.  We need rescuing.  It's interesting (myself included) how much we want to hide the brokenness and present ourselves as without blemish.  Even in Christian circles.  We want to be all together all the time.  I read some pretty amazing things. "He (God) is merciful and tender toward those who don't deserve it; He is slow to get angry and full of kindness and love."  And just before that "He forgives all my sins. He heals me. He ransoms me from HELL." Dang. I forget that, I too, have been ransomed from Hell. That would be me.  But as ugly as it is, I only look through the lens of my self-rightness. That is who I desire not to be.  I am humbled that God knows that girl and still wants to be with her.  To be interested in partnership for Life. That is Bloody Good News.
I win.

Also I had ice cream for dinner.


Welsh said...

amen to made me we take His grace for granted and forget our own wretchedness...i love you immensely and can't wait to see you at the end of april!

drewplaysdrums said...

Great stuff, Dana.