Monday, March 30, 2009

Growing Pains

Listening to the Slumdog Millionaire Soundtrack.  It's growing on me.  Today was a good one....coming off a rough night.  Lately I've been a little depressed about the Garbage that has been creeping into my life.  So seldom do we sit back an take an honest look at the lies that we have begun to believe.  Scary how it's so easy to be comfortable.  I am by nature, not one to disrupt the natural flow of things around me.  But I realize more and more that this might not always be the best course of action.  There has been an gross level of gossip around certain people. It grows like wildfire around here.  I, while guilty at times, hate it. When is ok to let others talk smack about each other?  I feel there is an appropriate time to let emotions of frustrations and disappointment surface, but when said so flippantly around those that don't need to hear it, it does not sow life. It's breeds animosity between people and more hurtful between friends.  I need to hear Life-giving words.  And I need to realize that I am broken too. What I want to call out about others (their flaws, short comings, ways they don't measure up or meet our needs) might be my reflection that I want to look at myself in a better light. Whether we know it or not most people are addicted to "looking good" to those around them or those they look up too. We want to be the good guy, the one who isn't wrong. In this, I find it hard to extend Grace.  I have this debilitating capacity to learn something new and expect all those around to know all the things that I know....right now, immediately or something is wrong with you. It's not a mystery that we all want to be seen in an alluring light. It's just disappointing, because we were never perfect to begin with, nor will we ever be.  We need rescuing.  It's interesting (myself included) how much we want to hide the brokenness and present ourselves as without blemish.  Even in Christian circles.  We want to be all together all the time.  I read some pretty amazing things. "He (God) is merciful and tender toward those who don't deserve it; He is slow to get angry and full of kindness and love."  And just before that "He forgives all my sins. He heals me. He ransoms me from HELL." Dang. I forget that, I too, have been ransomed from Hell. That would be me.  But as ugly as it is, I only look through the lens of my self-rightness. That is who I desire not to be.  I am humbled that God knows that girl and still wants to be with her.  To be interested in partnership for Life. That is Bloody Good News.
I win.

Also I had ice cream for dinner.

TMNT Grow Up.

Or move to Milan. Ha.

The Eyes Bleed Through....

sadness. And sometimes I feel just so.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

38 to 72

Those were the temps today in Sacramento. Yes very bizarre and not quite normal.  Just like my life lately.  This month has been wonderful and weird in so many ways.  I have been working a lot. 5 shows in one month.  I think that is record for my job and I have been on them all.  So I am thankful to my Creator for these opportunities and to pay off some debt, but it has made a bit of a hectic life.  Which brings me to be thankful for the life I have in Orlando, which I love and roommates, Jana & Mea, which I miss when I am gone.  (side note: Had Starbucks Chai today which did not hold a candle to Jana's and reinforces why I never get Starbucks.) Furthermore, I have been feeling things pretty strongly as of late.  Got an issue weighing on my heart that has been there for a while, but it is now decision time.  Not quite sure how to approach it, but feel like now is the time.  Felt a bit "sick" at Caroline's wedding.  Very sad not to be able to interact with people.  Just like Carol & Mish everything was Classy and to the T, but the ceremony turned into a sermon, which did not honor them in anyway.  Sad Story. And unfortunately the wedding being outside in March was a bit frigid for all the sweet girls in classy dresses. Also a bit sad for my character in some ways that I feel giving in to the idle talk that surrounds.  Now in Cali for a bit of a monstrosity of events.  The mantra of just taking one day/one problem at a time has been really helpful for me.  Also it has been such a blessing to be around the people I have been.  It can be a mostly stress free environment if we make it.  Which is what I like, but need to learn to love those that like to create drama, because I don't Love like I should and I am well aware of that.  I have been trying to memorize Ps 103 and one part says, "He is merciful and tender towards those who don't deserve it; He is slow to get angry and full of kindness and love." Not quite there. Easyish to love those that are easy to love, but haven't gotten the hang of kindness towards those I find obnoxious and annoying.  Which for me, is not very hard. Boo on that. I am still in awe that He does extend Love to me even though I don't deserve it.  I win.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

A Bloody Good Quote

From Eric Liddel in Chariots of Fire:
"You came to see a race today. To see someone win. It happened to be me. But I want you to do more than just watch a race. I want you to take part in it. I want to compare faith to running in a race. It's hard. It requires concentration of will, energy of soul. You experience elation when the winner breaks the tape - especially if you've got a bet on it. But how long does that last? You go home. Maybe you're dinner's burnt. Maybe you haven't got a job. So who am I to say, "Believe, have faith," in the face of life's realities? I would like to give you something more permanent, but I can only point the way. I have no formula for winning the race. Everyone runs in her own way, or his own way. And where does the power come from, to see the race to its end? From within. Jesus said, "Behold, the Kingdom of God is within you. If with all your hearts, you truly seek me, you shall ever surely find me." If you commit yourself to the love of Christ, then that is how you run a straight race." 

Monday, March 2, 2009

Psalm 63

A Psalm of David when he was hiding in the wilderness of Judea:

"O GOD, My God! How I search for you!  How I thirst for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water.  How I long to find you!  How I wish I could go into your sanctuary to see your strength and glory, for your love and kindness are better to me than life itself.  How I praise you!  I will bless you as long as I live, lifting up my hands to you in prayer.  At last I shall be fully satisfied; I will praise you with great joy.

I lie awake at night thinking of you--of how much you have helped me--and how I rejoice through the night beneath the protecting shadow of your wings.  I follow close behind you, protected by your strong right arm.  But those plotting to destroy me shall go down to the depths of hell.  They are doomed to die by the sword, to become the food of jackals.  But I will rejoice in God.  All who trust in him exult, while liars shall be silenced."

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Keeping it Classy.

I love a strong/provoking look without having to show a lot of skin. Attitude & Class nail it every time. 

And the Gentleman. Muah.

Relent & Respond

My church is beginning a study that is concentrating on leading a Holistic Lifestyle. Analyzing six major areas of life: Relationships, Gifts & Talents, Finances, Spiritual Practices, Emotional life, and Physical.  I am doing it with Kate H., Alex, Gretchen, Diana and Heather.  It has a spurred some interesting discussions and debates so far.  I love these girls.  And Diana makes some coffee cake that will kick your A**.

Sorry so long...

...since the last post. As of late.

~ Just was in Sacramento.  Cancelled flights. Very quick trip. Many hours worked.  Lots of great people to be around. Little sleep. In-N-Out Burger. Hurt my knee (again.)

~ Amy Brady Conference. Spent time with Mom. Such what I needed. Tons of scriptures. Sometimes a bit long in sitting.

~ Playing tennis again. Grand weather. Anyone game? 

~ Missing my camera.  There are some beautiful Apple Blossoms & Azaleas across the street.
~ About to have a new roommate move into tomorrow.  I still have not met her.  It was almost a debacle. Learning more about dealing with almost debacles. 

~ Loving life for the most part.  Starting to reanalyze the purpose of my life. Wanting my life to be less and His Glory to be more.

~ Had dinner with total strangers last night.  Such an interesting experience. 

~ Getting ready for a very busy March & Wedding season. Hope I will last through another one.

~ Need to find a new pair of jeans and flats.  I don't like this endeavor. I just want them to magically appear.

Do join us.

Who: You & Me & Company
What: OPP Spring Dress Sale & Clothing Swap
Where: 3222 N. Orange Ave Orlando, FL 32803
When: March 28th