Or even moments in a day I feel as though I fail in life. Especially in the area of leading a Spirit lead life. Wishing I had more of a desire to spend time and adoration to the Love that gave everything to be with me. I know that I devote time to worthless things. Things with no eternal value, but they are easy to come by and therefore I am consumed in passing the moments in oblivion. And I admit that these things can be very enjoyable, but I am astutely aware that I am wanting to pass the time so that I will be closer to the time that I can be face to face with my Creator, but to spend quality time alone with this Being sounds like a bore. It is a raging paradox I know, but I cannot escape how I feel and often don't change my actions, therefore leaving me feeling like the top of this paragraph.
Alas at the core of me I find deep comfort, in that, as much as I loathe the way I act, I know that I am God's. He doesn't hold it against me. He only wants to Love me and remind me how precious I am to Him. I have this image of a Father holding a child after an exhausting day. As a kid that was the most comforting place for me....in my Dad's lap. It was not a moment for condemn, but for tender words and forgiveness. How can this be? I am out of words when God says, I loved you first and nothing is going to change that....."God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him." (the message Rom. 5:8) This blows me away.
"The value of the Possession is seen in the intensity of the pursuit."
I would hope to change my intensity of His pursuit. To hopefully portray how highly I value His Love.